Dear Sexy,
I am a woman in my late fifties, divorced with grown children. I happened upon men who are in ENM ethically responsible non-monogamous relationships online in OKCupid. I hadn’t known much about ENM before but I notice that the men as a group seem more interesting, self aware, emotionally alert, giving, intuitive and all around interesting than most men.
This makes me want to explore ENM even though I was not looking for it! Most of them are partnered with women they have been with for a long time. Is it their women they have helped them develop or how do you explain this? And should I pursue them because they are more my cups of tea even though I want to be the primary woman in the relationship?
Thanks SS,
Just Wondering Aloud
Dear JWA,
I have noticed the same thing and yes, my instinct is that they have really great, aware female partners who have trained them in the art of being aware and relational and generous.
But some credit goes to the men themselves for being open to these parts of themselves in the first place, as few men truly are. Some credit goes to ENM as a lifestyle, which when done ethically, is probably pretty expansive on a consciousness level and mind opening.
Anecdotally, I think ENM works best when the two primary people are very committed and their openness to others is based on that very beautiful trust at home. So I maybe have tea with one or two of them to understand their world more, but don’t assume you will be becoming their primary! You need to find a single ENM man or find a single man who is very interesting and open to exploring ENM or NOT with you!
Be respectful of boundaries and have fun and grow, JWA!
Love
Sexy
