A Sex and Dating Advice Column for the 55+ Crowd
By Sexy Sage
Step 6. The FWB Public Meet!
Let’s say you meet someone online, talk with them, exchange photos and all systems are primed for an in-person meeting. Congratulations! You have paved the way! (See how we got to this step by checking out prior posts at Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 4 and Step 5).
By this point, you can use your real first name or an assumed first name. Again, do not give them your last name.
Isn’t it great that you both want to meet in person? You are doing this! Awesome! Remember it’s low risk and you can still maintain your anonymity. Take the next step. Meet at a public place like a cafe. If you drive, park a bit away from the cafe so he does not see your make, model, or license plate on your car. If necessary, socially distance. Don’t worry about who pays for the coffee or tea: he might offer or you can. You might have arrived early and already have a beverage so that he gets one for himself. It’s cool. No strings attached here.
Enjoy the light banter and conversation while you feel out if there is energy to either meet again or go to the next level. Sometimes it takes 2–3 coffees or walks to warm up and get comfortable enough to know if there is sufficient connection or attraction for a hookup. Then again others swear that attraction is immediate or not at all. Still, others are shocked when what was immediate attraction seems to have withered when they meet in a hotel room. That can be so terribly awkward.
I suggest going the middle road; if you like him but are not sure if there is enough chemistry, give him the benefit of the doubt and meet again. The more relaxed you and he are, the better the conversation, and who knows what that could lead to.
This is a wonderful time to open up to yourself sexually again. Spend time touching yourself and fantasizing about your promising, pending liaison. Explore your sexuality at this point in your life. Do some listening to dynamo podcasts about sex or read some new books with liberating perspectives of women’s sexuality.
Affirm that those 8,000 nerve endings your clitoris has (as compared to 3,000 in the penis) makes you a sex goddess at any age. Remind yourself of the freedom of not having to worry about unwanted pregnancies, or children in the next room, or work obligations that pull you away from your erotic self. And if you feel the pull of gravity when you look in the mirror, remind yourself of the freeing aspect of saving: you can be as sexual as you want to be. This is your time to open up and explore. You are free to be as wild and crazy and open as you want to be.
When you meet that potential FWB, bring your sexuality with you. Flirt a bit. Dress so you feel sexy whether that means skipping panties or wearing that form-fitting top that shows off your breasts the way you like. You are a sex goddess; make him want you.
If you feel absolutely no chemistry, and are dogged by thoughts of trying to will yourself to feel more, then leave it alone, even if he is the nicest guy in the world. You want to avoid the creeps for sure, and you want to minimize bad experiences where you did not trust your gut. And you also want to have positive and sizzling, fun experiences! Chemistry is a gift from the sex goddesses. Trust your gut and your groin. No tingle means do not proceed.
Keep referring to your list of what you want, keep checking your gut, ask any questions you want, and enjoy the weird but fun intimacy of these safe, low-risk, and fun encounters! You may find yourself talking about all sorts of things you never expected. Go with it and remember that there is nothing holding you back from stepping out of your own box!
Step 7 is what you have been waiting for! Proceed with full, hot, throbbing horniness, my friend the Horny Widow Going to Waste!
