Dear Sexy Sage,
I am hesitant to fully commit to online dating because its so easy to think of it as inferior to meeting the normal way. Besides, I have heard stories about real jerks. At my age of 59, I don’t want to deal with creeps. How do I get over my ambivalence so I can find me a good new person?
Signed,
Ambivalence
Dear Ambi,
Well, you came to the right place, Ambi, because I am here to say that online dating is where it is at! Its the new normal so you don’t have to worry about not doing it the regular way any longer! Besides from being convenient and practical, it is very successful. Because most people doing it really want to be in a relationship, you have a self-screened pool of potential dates! So try it, you will like it!
By the way, it is pretty easy to avoid the jerks through careful screening and the sites themselves try to screen out the creeps, but you also will notice the red flags and avoid them. You are physically safe while you are online and you never give out personal information. When you meet in person, you meet in public places until and unless you get to know that person and want a more personal experience. So in my estimation, you are at least as safe in online dating as you are with IRL (in real life) dating.
So what is online dating really like?
For us 55+ women, the dating scene looks pretty much the same as it did at age 20 and 30 and 40, for straight relationships anyway. Often men want to meet in person ASAP as they are visual and need that in person contact in order to open up and relate. Others are more comfortable going the slow more cerebral route, and communicating online and then by phone and/or Zoom. Few are connoisseurs of truly courting a woman, and watering the growing connection; some things never change!
The men you might want to swipe left on as fast as possible are the ones:
with lots pictures of their motorcycles or sports cars;
who describe themselves with superlatives thrown about like popcorn about who fun, easygoing and cool they are;
who hit the trifecta by appearing to have never been in a LTR, who don’t have kids, and who seem like they might be financially unstable;
who state they want a feminine lady to work out with by day and dine by night, assuming she looks as good lifting weights as she does dressed up;
who state they want a woman warm and brings no drama, whatever that means (is it code for non-emotional or just a plea for someone who is functional?);
who posts mainly pictures of themselves holding large fish they just caught or when they were 30 years younger or both.
The ones you might have a special fondness for are the ones who actually consider their profile carefully, articulating what they really want in a relationship. The ones who try to reveal something personal, bordering on complex, about themselves as a partner.
Depending on your lifestyle, you might want to search for those who are the spiritual, Buddhist, gluten free, deep dudes who are well read, meditate, do yoga and care about the environment. They know who they are and who they are not. They might be divorced with grown kids and grandkids; they might drink only occasionally; they might be 420 friendly. They might be not to short or too tall, not too fat or too thin, not too little or too much hair.
If you are like a lot of us, you might need a guy who likes to talk over and through relationship stuff, who is loyal and listens and open-hearted, and is a commanding lover. They need to be left of center, right? They have to be kind and self aware.
The guys to watch out for: the ones who pose as wanting a relationship but are really looking for a free, classy lay. Then there are lots of scammers. Their profiles are very short and they are almost always say they are widowers that came to this country as kids and then add to it whatever they think will suck you in from reviewing your profile. Pond scum. Move on.
Keep moving. Until you find someone authentic and you strike up a rapport. You might want to communicate with a few men concurrently or one at a time. You are free to choice!
Enjoy it! Its fun! And eventually you will click with the right guy! Keep the faith, Ambi and you will become Unequivocal!
