Dear Sexy Sage,
I am a single woman in my 60’s, who has begun dating again after many years of work, marriage and childrearing.and am having the time of my life. Recently I began dating one man more seriously. He seems to be very serious and wants to be exclusive, but I am not sure and am not in a rush to get into a heavy monogamous thing after so many years of the oppressiveness of that structure. But just because I am slow doesn’t mean I am not interested. I really like this man. I just need some time. Do I need to hurry up or slow him down?
Racing Dame
Dear Dame,
Neither! Don’t hurry yourself up or slow him down. Forget the pace thing entirely!
Take speed out of the equation and turn your attention away from the future altogether.
Shift your energy towards staying in the present, with no other agenda. Let it be a thing. Focus on being in the present while suspending all questions about what will happen in the relationship. How can you support each other to ‘Be Here Now’?
Being in the present means being awake and alert and aware to what is now. How are you two connecting, communicating, giving, and building? Asking lots of questions? Listening some more? Allowing for pauses?
You will know when you know.
Read that again.
You will know when you know. Take your time. It is your time to take.
Its not a race to find out. Just let yourself enjoy the present with him. Every time you find yourself wondering about the future bring your mind back to the present. Embrace the uncertainty of not knowing. Or the certainty of not knowing.
It’s a practice, just like meditation. Just gently bring your mind back to the now. That is what you have. Not the imagined future. Not even the past. Just now.
When you know, let me know.
Good luck!
SS
