Dear Sexy Sage,
I have been seeing a very nice man for 10 months. We have had so many sweet times. He is very into me. He gushes. He oozes. He puts me on a pedestal. Maybe I would be more into him if he didn’t crowd me so much. And then there is the little problem of ED. I never had to deal with that before and it is a strange bedfellow, so to speak.
Although we talk about relationship issues and process stuff, I just don’t get the feeling that I really can get through to him. He seems like he is in a fantasy world (denial?) and that he is not really aware of how he leads with his insecurity and willfully occupies the lower down seat in the relationship. I have tried to bolster his confidence and be supportive, but I feel suffocated and irritated.
I find myself wondering if we went as far as we could. On the other hand, he is good to me, we are sweet together, and compatible in many ways. I want to have one more lasting great relationship but I can’t tell if this is it. How do I know?
Ambivalent Amber, Age 60
Dear AAA,
In the spirit of reflecting back the metamessage in your email, honey, let me be blunt: You know because you don’t feel ambivalent. You know because you are equals. You know because you feel anything but suffocated.
It will always be nice with this kind man but never really right. He is not the one. You have enjoyed each other and now its time to consciously uncouple as you untie the strings. Look forward to being good friends one day.
Pull the band aid off fast. And say thank you to him with your whole heart.
Have some down time and when you are ready to begin anew, you will know.
With love,
Sexy Sage
