What To Do When Red Flags Wave Furiously When Dating A New Guy
Wait, Watch, and Listen
Dear Sexy Sage,
I am a 60-something single woman, having spent 31 of the last 35 years in relationships. I am now ready to find my person that I hope to spend the rest of my life with in a very happy bubble.
I love online dating because I have met so many really nice men and they have restored my openness to their strange gender. As is often the case, I rarely meet people with whom I have a strong immediate chemistry. I recently ended my last 1.5 year relationship largely due to lack of sexual attraction, despite lots of other great compatibility. It just wasn’t enough for me to get to long term commitment, although I tried. I met someone recently with whom I feel a strong attraction. I am noting several red flags regarding remarks that appeared, although I don’t know him well and I could be misinterpreting, stinging, mean-spirited, and defensive.
Help! I had my share of aloof, non-attentive men. I don’t need an emotionally withholding one now. Yet, the guys who are super nice are more like friends and I feel no attraction to them. This guy is hot but I am not sure if he really is a good partner.
I am afraid of getting involved with him and getting into something painful and impossible. But maybe being older and wiser, could help me keep my eyes open and explore this connection? What is an (old) girl to do, SS?
Love,
Old Girl
Dear OG,
So exciting to feel that chemistry and so darn scary too, right? I say trust yourself, go slow, keep your eyes, ears and heart open, and use your words to gently but firmly express what you experience. He may be defended and need some time to melt into an open-hearted space or he may just be a bit of a dick. You don’t have enough data yet to know.
I have faith, Old Girl, in your discernment abilities. Since chemistry is a rare gift, I wouldn’t be quick to run. But I think you need to have really good boundaries so you don’t get trampled.
You deserve your last great love of this lifetime. I commend you for being on your quest to find it. You keep showing up and trying.
You go, girl. Let me know how it goes, will you?
Love you back,
Sexy
